Tuesday, July 10, 2007

The Anti-Christ Speaks

A brave reporter got close enough to Barry Bonds to ask him some questions while the guards were removing his Hannibal Lecter mask and restraints for their daily cleaning. The following malevolent utterances were unleashed before the reporter was driven insane by the unadulterated evil that is Bonds:
  • Barry says he has respect for Selig and bears no ill-will towards the commish for not coming to see him break Hank's record;

  • Barry says Hank Aaron "will always be the home run king in our hearts. We respect him. We love him," and he totally understands why Aaron wouldn't want to follow him around the country simply to watch someone break his record;

  • Barry says that despite being jeered in opposing ballparks by fans holding up signs reading "Cheater" or "Barroid" or placards showing an asterisk, he's "not treated bad on the road";

  • Barry says that while he regrets losing the lone World Series in which he appeared, he is happy, and that he has "lived the dream" in baseball, accomplishing just about everything he ever wanted to accomplish;

  • Barry spent the day hanging out with Jim Leyland's son and signing autographs for Dusty Baker's kid.

What a sick bastard. He's represents everything that's wrong with the game.

Ok, maybe I'm a cheap date. A more sinister spin on the very same news conference can be found here.

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