Hurm.

DiMaggio's personal diaries -- the Mr. Coffee years; not when he was swatting fastballs or schtupping Marilyn Monroe -- are being auctioned off. The New York Times makes a big deal out of it, but given how big a deal he was to New Yorkers, I suppose I understand the fuss.

Based on the excerpts, however, DiMaggio sounds like freakin' Rorschach:

• Oct. 27, 1986, he added: “Missed the last game of World Series. Back to Hasbrouck Heights hotel at 10 p.m. Saw the end of baseball on T.V.”

• “Left White House lawn at 11:15 a.m. Went out and shopped for a tuxedo shirt as I have lost so much weight my neck size is 15 ½. Spent a couple of hours trying to find one.”

• “Food, tips, taxis, etc. $70.00.”

• “Swamped with the signing of baseballs — pictures — radio and TV. Stress too much.”

Hey, just because you're the Yankee Clipper and were erroneously called the greatest living hitter for a couple of decades doesn't mean you're good with linking verbs, conjunctions, or definite articles.