Thursday, January 31, 2008

Get Off My Lawn

I've got a couple of kids. I'm bald. I go to bed earlier than I used to. In less than six months I will no longer be a member of an allegedly sexy demographic. In other words, I'm getting old.

I don't offer any of this for your pity. I offer it as an explanation for what I'm about to say:


FOR CRYING OUT LOUD GET A CAP THAT FITS, YOU DISRESPECTFUL LITTLE PUNKS!

Sorry about that. I'll go ask that young doctor to change my medication now.

UPDATE: Here's the first comment below, posted within about 15 minutes of this article going up:

"I was actually in charge of the photoshoot where that Jay Bruce photo came from. The way that works is we had all of our minor leaguers stand in line, grab a name tag, and take six different hats, one for each affiliation. Not every hat fit the same so some people look like goobers. I can't speak for Longoria and Joba, and I agree."

I've said it before, but it's worth repeating: ShysterBall readers are the bestest on the internets.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I was actually in charge of the photoshoot where that Jay Bruce photo came from. The way that works is we had all of our minor leaguers stand in line, grab a name tag, and take six different hats, one for each affiliation. Not every hat fit the same so some people look like goobers. I can't speak for Longoria and Joba, and I agree.

Shyster said...

Thanks for the info, Anon! I've copied your comment into an update in the main post.

Diesel said...

The heads of those players still show some projectability, so in a cost-cutting measure the teams have given players the cap size they're expected to fill in their age-25 season. It's not an exact science, but then these things never are.

Pete Toms said...

Ok, anon has an explanation for Bruce but we all know the cap fashion of the day, sometimes worn a little crooked, oversized, straight bill ( wasn't that part of the pleasure one time of a new cap, shaping the bill? ) and us old guys don't " get it ".

Congrats Craig, you're an old fart.

Remember when Junior - when he still enjoyed playing baseball - offended the purists by wearing his cap backwards in BP? I guess Junior's old too, because I think backward is a cool way to wear it sometimes and I'm even older than Craig!

dlf said...

Junior was the first MLB player born after me. And now he's a geezer.

A couple of years ago I was at Mardi Gras with my wife. A young lady was ... um ... seeking medical confirmation of her upper torso's floating abilities in exchange for cheap plastic beads. My wife looked at me looking at her and said, in the most hurtful way possible for my delicate ego, "You know she's MUCH closer in age to your daughter than to you."

Craig, welcome to geezerhood.

Osmodious said...

And don't even get us oldsters started on that whole C.C. Sabathia-hat-pointing-to-the-side thing....